


and no one's here to sleep

by hipsterharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, I promise, M/M, and attempted suicide, and mentions of eating disorders, but its like, its great, nothing is graphic but, rock band zourry, theres self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 14:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1986264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hipsterharry/pseuds/hipsterharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>harry met louis when he was fifteen. he had a huge impact on his life</p>
            </blockquote>





	and no one's here to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is really short and it's kind of weird formatting but i really hope you guys like it. please leave me a comment or feed back, or you can reach me on tumblr at styles2k14. thank you and love you lots!!

Harry is just barely fifteen when his mom’s friend invites him over to hang out with her son. He’s nervous about this because he knows Zayn and Zayn is cool and older than him. Zayn would never want to hang out with him. He has pimples and social anxiety and no friends. He’s fifteen when he starts hanging out with Zayn. The older boy doesn’t hate him, he actually seems to like him alright, and it makes Harry feel weirdly happy. He’s fifteen when Zayn introduces him to his best friend, Louis. Harry decides Louis is the brightest person he’s ever seen, that he puts the stars and sun to shame, and he likes him more than he should. He can’t help it though. Louis makes him smile, and even though Louis makes it clear he doesn’t like Harry at all, Harry can’t help but grin widely at him and stumble over his words. He’s never been good with words, but Louis makes him that much worse at focusing on forming sentences.

Harry is almost sixteen when the three of them form a band. He’s never felt so wanted before. And even though Louis makes it clear that he doesn’t want Harry there at all, he plays the music Harry writes. Zayn tells Harry later that Louis likes the songs and thinks Harry has potential, even if he hates his guts. Harry knows that’s the best compliment he’s ever going to get from Louis and beams. He’s sixteen when they go viral. First they’re getting millions of hits on YouTube and then they’re signing a contract and he’s not even a month past sixteen when they’re touring. People pay an arm and a leg to go to their concerts. Everyone loves them, everyone loves him. He loves the attention. He loves how much everyone loves him. He loves that people follow him and wait outside his hotel for him. He loves that people send him letters telling him how much they love him and his music and he’s never been so appreciated before. Sixteen is almost over when he starts using drugs. People are eager to share their drugs with him, to get a picture with him, to say they spent the night getting high with him. He has too much money, enough money to buy a house and a car and a year’s worth of the best cocaine, and he does. Harry gets high and Louis gets high with him and they kiss and then they kiss more and before he knows it he’s on his back and Louis is over him and when he wakes up he knows they had sex and he wishes he could remember it better. Louis is still asleep so he curls up close to him and when he wakes up again Louis is gone. Louis is meaner to him after that, makes it clear that it was a mistake and Harry gets the picture.

Harry is seventeen when he develops a drug addiction. He doesn’t understand how he got to the point where he needs drugs in his system all the time to ever feel anything. He kind of hates himself for getting this bad, but most of the time he’s having too much fun onstage or at parties or hooking up with girls to care. Even through the parties and the sex and the drugs, he can tell Louis still doesn’t want him here and he still doesn’t like him. It hurts more than it used to. Somewhere in the last two years he fell in love with Louis and he’s pretty sure he uses drugs to numb the pain, to numb the fact that Louis will never want him, never even want to be his friend. He’s seventeen when he first overdoses on purpose. Zayn finds him in his hotel room and panics. He calls an ambulance, and Harry spends a good deal of time in the hospital. When he gets released nothing has changed. He still is getting high, he still is going to parties, he still is hooking up with people. He thinks about overdosing again a lot. He thinks about doing things that aren’t overdosing. He’s seventeen when he starts hurting himself. He doesn’t let anyone find out, and no knows anything’s even wrong. He likes it that way. Seventeen is almost over when he meets the girl of his dreams, falls in love with her, makes her his girlfriend. He thinks she’s his forever. They date for a while, much longer than anyone would have expected. 

Harry is eighteen when he tries to commit again. He overdoses, but this time his girlfriend finds him. He’s not out yet, still holding on, and she holds his hand and cries and tells him she loves him. An ambulance shows up just before he goes out and when he wakes up he feels miserable. When he gets out, he makes an even bigger effort to have fun and be happy. He uses more drugs, goes to more parties, sleeps with his girlfriend more than he would have thought possible. He’s eighteen when his girlfriend tells him she’s pregnant, promises they can make it, they can be a family and be happy, and it flips his whole world around. He’s going to be a father. As much as he wants to pretend that he can be a good father and still have fun the way he has been having fun, he knows he can’t. He cries, and for the first time Louis holds him. Louis comforts him, and Harry has never felt better. He checks himself into rehab, fixes his drug problem. He swears, makes himself promise, that he will never try to kill himself again. He can’t leave his kid like that. He’s eighteen when his girlfriend gives birth and leaves, leaving him a note explaining that she could never love him or his kid. Harry knows he has a lot of responsibilities now, and his depression hits harder than it ever has, the desire to kill himself becomes overwhelming, but he can’t do that to his beautiful daughter. Lori becomes his whole world and even though he hates himself he can never hate her. 

Harry is nineteen when he starts to realize things he never realized before. With the drugs gone, his mind is clear. He notices how often Louis hooks up with boys, notices the way Louis looks so happy with other guys. He notices the way Louis looks at him with disgust, talks to him with disgust. Harry has never been so unhappy with himself. Even as fans shout his name and express their love for him, he can’t help but feel like he’s the most despicable person alive. He realizes that, with the drugs gone, he can’t be happy. Not for more than a few minutes, anyways. It becomes harder for him to keep food down, and the scars on his skin become more, they become darker. It would be evident to anyone that he has a serious problem if anyone took the time to notice. He doesn’t blame them though. He’s nineteen when he realizes that Lori loves him unconditionally, and he can’t help but smile around her, so he makes an effort to be around her whenever he’s not onstage. She is his source of happiness and he doesn’t know why he would ever want to not be around her. She’s all he has. His mom keeps a close eye on both of them, but it’s not close enough. He still harms himself, he still starts to lose weight. But she stays safe, and he appreciates how well his mom helps him take care of her.

Harry is twenty when things get better for a little while. They go on tour again, and he realizes that Lori isn’t the only thing that makes him happy. Music makes him happy. Music makes him so happy. His songs have so much passion in them, they mean so much to him, they’re so personal. He enjoys playing them and he likes the reactions he gets from the fans. Everyone loves his music, and that makes him happy. He likes being onstage, because even though he knows Louis is giving him dirty looks from his drum set, but he can’t see him in the back. His scars get lighter, they fade a little. New ones don’t appear as often. It doesn’t last for long though. His birthday isn’t anywhere in sight when Louis starts saying even meaner things to him, insulting his appearance and his music and his abilities. Harry has never felt so useless and hated. The only time Harry ever sees Louis look soft is when he’s with Lori. Harry likes the way Louis looks at Lori, the way love and affection come across his face. He can’t understand how Louis can hate him so much but love his kid. He hopes no one ever looks at or speaks to Lori the way Louis looks at and speaks to him. 

Harry is twenty one when they go on their world tour. It’s their first tour where they’re going to be going everywhere and Harry can’t help but be insanely excited. Lori goes with them and he’s pretty happy. He tries to ignore Louis’ words, but he knows they get to him. He can see it in himself. He pretends he’s okay, but his scars get dark again and his ribs stick out more than Zayn’s or Louis’. He doesn’t blame Louis for not liking him. He doesn’t even like him. They’ve been on tour for a month when he somehow ends up with Louis again. Louis is high, but he’s not mean this time. He notices the scars, notices how his bones stick out. Harry cries. He doesn’t want Louis to look, he doesn’t want him to apologize or kiss his skiing or put his hands on him. He begs him to stop, and Louis doesn’t want to, says he can’t ignore this, but eventually he does. He kisses him and kisses him and they have sex and Harry realizes he feels so good when Louis is everywhere. He doesn’t ever want Louis to not be everywhere. In the morning they sleep together for a while, but Louis sneaks away and Harry goes to follow him after a while. He stops on the stairs when he hears Louis talking to Zayn. He feels sick when he hears how Louis makes him feel like a mistake again. He leaves before he can hear Louis say that Harry can’t love him because he’s not good enough for him. He’s twenty one when he notices Louis is getting nicer. His words aren’t as painful, they don’t sting as much as they used to. Louis smiles at him sometimes. He’s not sure what triggered the change in Louis, but for the first time in years he doesn’t hate himself as much as he has. 

Harry is just barely twenty two when he and Louis start hooking up regularly. He’s not sure when it happens, but one day he realizes he and Louis are dating. They’re walking from the stadium to the car and someone reaches for Harry and Louis tells them to get their hands off his boyfriend. Harry beams. He can’t believe Louis actually wants him. Louis doesn’t say I love you when Harry does, but he sings him a song one day that says it for him. It’s the closest I love you he’ll get from Louis, and he knows it. He smiles and kisses Louis. They end up in bed. Again. When they wake up, Louis isn’t there. He sits up, confused, but then Louis comes back. He apologizes and lays back down with him. Harry doesn’t ask where he was, but he’s pretty sure he knows. Harry asks Louis to let him get high with him. Louis insists that he can’t. He says Harry is doing so well, he’s been clean for three years, but Harry is relentless. He wants to get high with Louis. Louis gets high with everyone, gets high with Zayn, spends so much time away from Harry just to get high. Harry hates it. He wants to be involved. He wants to make Louis happy. He wants to be good for Louis. All he wants is to make Louis happy. Louis doesn’t want him to, and Harry agrees. Later he convinces Louis to do lines off him, and once Louis is good and high, he gets Louis to suggest Harry do a line off of him. When they wake up, Louis blames himself for Harry getting high. Harry’s pretty sure it’s his own fault, and he tells Louis that. Before long, he’s getting high regularly again. Louis doesn’t like it at first, but then they get high together and have sex and how can Louis complain? Harry is twenty two when he spends a day with Lori, and the next day he can see something in Louis. Louis looks at him like he’s ashamed, and when Harry asks what’s wrong, he sees Louis cry for the first time ever. Louis tells him he didn’t mean to, says he was too high and he wasn’t thinking straight. Harry has a bad feeling, he knows where this is going, and tears start forming in his eyes. He asks Louis what happened, and when Louis tells him he slept with someone else, Harry falls apart. Louis says I love you, more than once, and it’s something Harry never thought he would hear. He shakes his head, breaks up with Louis, tells him to leave him alone. He says he never wants to see Louis again but he knows he’s going to have to. His depression is worse than it ever has been, and he has a drug problem again, and he overdoses on purpose. He doesn’t know who finds him, but when he wakes up Louis is in his room. He tells him to leave, and the second he does he cries. He broke his promise to himself and now his life is in ruins again.

Harry is twenty three when he starts sleeping with older men. He notices Louis doesn’t hook up with anyone anymore, notices he stops using as much. He doesn’t know what Louis is doing, but he doesn’t care. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself. Zayn calls Harry’s mom and flies her out. The two sit Harry down and talk to him. They convince him to go back to rehab. Harry doesn’t want to, but he knows he has to. His drug addiction is worse than it ever has been, his depression is worse than it ever has been, and he needs help. He doesn’t want to get help, but he needs it. They finish the last of their tour, and then Harry spends three months in rehab. When he gets out, Louis is waiting for him. Harry shakes his head, feels tears burn his eyes. Louis makes him stop. He smiles sadly, apologizes more. He explains that he got clean, that he’s been clean for two months, that he did it for Harry. He says I love you, and Harry feels his heart beat a little faster, cursing himself for still loving Louis so much when Louis hurt him so bad. Louis asks for a second chance, promises he’ll do it right this time. Harry is reluctant, but he says yes. Louis takes him on dates, kisses him slowly, says I love you. Harry’s never felt so loved. They have sex for the first time since the break up, and Louis can’t help but say I love you a hundred times. When they’re cuddling before they sleep, he apologizes again. He apologizes for cheating, for hurting Harry, for being the reason he hurt himself. He apologizes for everything, and Harry forgives him. A week later Louis formally asks Harry to be his boyfriend, and how can Harry say no? 

Harry is twenty four when he realizes he never wants to lose Louis. He’s always known this, but somehow it’s stronger now. Maybe it’s because Louis is his now, because they’re happy together. Maybe it’s because Louis shows love for not only Harry, but Lori as well. Harry doesn’t know for sure, but he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with Louis. They go on dates just the two of them, to dinner, to the movies, to amusement parks, everywhere and anywhere. Harry doesn’t feel twenty four and Louis doesn’t feel twenty six. They still feel so young, so much of their life is still ahead of them. They have enough money to last them for the rest of their lives, and the band is still around. They’re no longer on tour, but they make music still, and they might go on tour sometime in the next few years. They go out with Lori, too, taking her places and inviting her friends. She’s five now, and she goes to school, and she has friends come over and Louis has almost become a better dad than Harry. Harry isn’t upset though, he just smiles. They go on double dates with Zayn and his new girlfriend. She’s a musician too, a new artist, and the two are perfect for each other. Zayn got clean shortly after meeting her a months ago, and for once their lives all seem to be going well. Harry doesn’t know how to feel about this. Everything is perfect though. He has meat on his bones, and his scars are lighter than they’ve been in years. It’s weird how different his life is, especially consider how it was nearly ten years ago, but he’s happy. He’s genuinely happy with his life, and he can’t believe it. It’s Lori’s birthday party, she’s turning six, and they have a lot planned. It’s chaos, but in the best way. Louis is just as involved as Harry. They makes food and hire people to come as entertainment and by the end of the night Lori is asleep with her friends in her room, the group having a sleep over. Louis puts frosting from the leftover cake on Harry’s face, which leads to them licking frosting off each other in the kitchen. Harry’s thankful no one comes to the kitchen because he’s certain he wouldn’t want anyone to see Louis fucking him on the kitchen counter. They shower to wash off the frosting and sex and curl up in bed together. Louis wraps an arm around Harry’s waist and pulls him close. He whispers I love you and you’re beautiful and Harry smiles. Harry returns the I love you and falls asleep happy. 

Harry is twenty five today. It’s his birthday, and he’s sort of excited, but he’s sort of not. He doesn’t want to get older, doesn’t want to be that much closer to being a real adult. He’s leaving his young adult years and he feels sort of sad, even if they weren’t the best years of his life. Louis has been planning a party for Harry for months. He even got Zayn in on it. But Harry doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to get out of bed. When he finally does, Louis and Lori are in the kitchen, making breakfast for him. He smiles, wipes the sleep away from his eyes, and hugs and kisses Louis, then hugs and kisses Lori. They eat and talk and smile and Harry realizes it doesn’t matter how old he is because as long as he has them, he’ll be happy. Louis cleans up the kitchen, kisses Harry on the lips, and goes to shower. Harry helps Lori get ready for her bath and then sits in the hallway so he can hear her and make sure she hasn’t drowned. When Louis gets out and gets dressed, he tells Harry to go shower and he’ll stay with Lori. Harry nods along and does so. When he gets out of the shower everything is incredibly quiet. He goes downstairs, calling out Louis’ name, and when he gets there he finds a surprise party with all his friends and family. He smiles and walks to Louis. Before he can hug or kiss him, Louis drops to his knee, and Harry laughs a little, despite the tears on his face. Louis asks him to marry him and Harry says yes. All he’s ever wanted was for Louis to be his forever, and now his wish has come true. The party is fun; they spend time with their friends and family, Zayn congratulates them and wishes Harry a happy birthday and smiles a lot, and Harry realizes he and Louis have been smiling a lot too. He decides today has been the best day of his life. After everyone is gone and they get Lori to sleep, Louis and Harry celebrate together. Harry falls asleep in bed with his fiancé, It took a long time, but his life is where he wants it to be. He’s never been happier. 

Harry is twenty six when they get married. The wedding is small and private. It’s on a private beach, and their family and friends are there and it’s beautiful. Zayn is there, of course. He acts as Louis’ best man, but he also acts as Harry’s best man, and they laugh as he stands behind Louis and hands him his ring then moves to stand behind Harry and hands him his ring. Their vows are perfect and when they hear the words they’ve been waiting for, they lean forward and kiss. Harry couldn’t be happier to be Harry Tomlinson, and eight year old Lori is happy to become Lori Tomlinson, herself. Harry smiles nonstop, and when they go to have their first dance, he realizes Louis is smiling nonstop, too. He’s never seen Louis smile so much. It makes him happier than he ever knew he could be. He says I love you as they dance and Louis says it back. They leave Lori with Zayn and his now fiancée and go on a short honeymoon. They spend two weeks in Paris, and then another two weeks in the Bahamas. When they come back the band announces they’re going to go on tour again, and Harry is insanely happy. He’s never been on tour and been happy and now he gets both. He gets to perform his music, he gets to be with Louis, and he gets to be happy. Everything he’s ever wanted has fallen into his lap and Harry couldn’t be happier.


End file.
